she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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