Sry I called you an 8
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
