If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
