she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
