He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
