if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
