Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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