So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
