I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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