Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize