and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
