I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
