peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
