I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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