It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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