you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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