I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am available for nakedness
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
