I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
