you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And then he peed in my hair
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