Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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