Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
