im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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