I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
