im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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