I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
