Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
