I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
