I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
