guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
