Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
