Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
