apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone came in the potted fern
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
