Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
