I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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