if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
