I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
