I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
