Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
