I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
