I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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