first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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