They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
