now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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