the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
