You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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