don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
