Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
