$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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