We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
