I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
