I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She announced her abortion via fbk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
