Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
