I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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