just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
