I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
