if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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