Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
