and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
