I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
