"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
