I seem to have left my pride at pride
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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