I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
