He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
