I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
