found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
