This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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