I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
