At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
