'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
