It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
