sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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