you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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