mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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