I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
