she looked like the before picture.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
