You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
